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Les Poissons (Louis version)
Inside the dining room, Gil was standing near the window, looking out into the distance. While Snagglepuss was seated at the large table, beginning to clean his pipe, Gil was waiting patiently for Susan to arrive as he tried desperately to reason with the high schooler. "Oh, Gil, be reasonable," said Snagglepuss, feeling clearly amused while waving his pipe in the air. "Nice young ladies just don't - swim around rescuing people in the middle of the ocean and then - flutter off into oblivion, like some -" Gil cut him off. "I'm tellin' you, Snagglepuss, she was REAL!" he said, "I'm gonna find that girl. And I'm gonna marry her." He put his left hand over his chin, gazing out the glass windows. Suddenly, laughter was heard from behind him. He turned his head to see the lover with the princess. "Come on, honey." said a voice, "Don't be shy." It was Merida. She stood by the door frame, guiding the lover into the dining room. Out of the shadows came Susan. Susan was now wearing an ocean blue dress with puffy shoulder sleeves (decorated with green hairlines) attached to long white sleeves with matching frills on the wrists and a black bodice with a blue ribbon and stitching (similar to Rapunzel's dress), a turquoise petticoat, periwinkle-blue bloomers, white stockings, and black ballet flats. She was still wearing her square glasses and star barrette. This was a new look for Susan, and she showed that she was being treated well by the servants. Gil's eyes widened as Snagglepuss walked up behind the 9th grader. "Oh, Gil, isn't she a vision?" asked Snagglepuss. The grin he had was never slipping off his face. Gil's mouth hung open. But he closed his mouth and swallowed, feeling somewhat nervous. "You look - wonderful." Gil stammered. Susan, unable to say, "Thank you," replied with a gentle blush, she shrugged her shoulders, appreciating the nice comment, a smile on her face as her blue eyes looked up from behind her red hair. Gil blushed a light pink as Snagglepuss helped Gil into his chair, quite enthusiastic, but not before giving the young princess a light nudge. Gil pursed his lips, but grinned nonetheless. "Come come come, you must be famished. Let me help you my dear. There we go - ah - quite comfy?" He helped the princess into her seat. Gil tucked the chair under the table as the middle schooler sat down. "Uh, it's...it's not often that we have such a lovely dinner guest, eh, Gil?" Susan wasn't playing attention anymore. She was too intrigued by the glistening silver 'dinglehopper' resting on the table. With a wide smile, she picked up the shiny object and began brushing her hair with it. She looked up to face a confused Gil and a horrified Snagglepuss. Susan delicately placed the 'dinglehopper' back on the table and looked down in embarrassment. She bit her lip and looked up as she saw Snagglepuss using a lighter to ignite the coppery thing that Susan understood as a 'snarfblatt'. Snagglepuss kindly smiled at her, and handed her his pipe. "Uh, do you like it?" he asked, "It is a rather fine..." Snagglepuss stopped in mid-sentence when the 7th grader blew into the pipe as if it was a trumpet, sending a cloud of smoke spurting out the top and straight into his face. Gil cracked up with laughter while Merida gave a small giggle. "Oh, my!" she exclaimed. Gil cleared his throat, trying to regain composure. "Ahem. I'm sorry, Snagglepuss." Merida smiled, placing a hand on the male high schooler's shoulder. "Why, Gil," she said. "That's the first time I've seen you smile in weeks." Susan looked up from the table and smiled. "Oh, very amusing," said Snagglepuss, as he used a handkerchief to wipe the last bit of smoke of his face and sniffed. "Merida, my dear, what's for dinner?" "Oooh, you're gonna love it!" Merida smiled. "Chef's been fixing his specialty, roast duck!" Gene poked his head out from behind a sugar bowl and gasped upon seeing the chef of a French kitchen. He was an obese American alligator who was over 6 feet tall with a yellow-green muzzle, belly, palms, and soles, a brown olive backline between darker brown scales, black eyebrows, sharp white teeth, yellow and sometimes green eyes, and olive claws. He wears a white chef's hat and a matching apron. His name was Louis, the French chef of the kitchen. Louis rummaged through a cupboard. Singing in French to himself, he hummed to himself as he took a basket of trout and putting one on a counter. With his food ready, the fat gator chef started singing. Louis: Les poissons Les poissons How I love '''les poissons' ''Love to chop And to serve little fish Grabbing the trout from the basket, Louis pulled out a cleaver and violently chopped off its head. This shocked Gene horribly. Horrified that this was happening, Gene hid his face. Louis: First I cut off their heads Then I pull out the bones Ah mais oui Ca c'est toujours delish Taking out another trout, Louis took the cleaver and violently chopped off its head then proceeded to skin it and gut it while Gene leaned against a wall and covered his mouth, feeling quite sick, feeling as if he may want to throw up. Louis: Les poissons Les poissons Hee hee hee Hah hah hah With the cleaver I hack them in two Taking out another trout, Louis again chopped its head and then chopped the rest of the body into tiny pieces. Gene tried getting away, but he found himself face to face with the trout's head. Louis: I pull out what's inside And I serve it up fried Cause I love little fishes'' Don't you? After cutting the trout's head off, Louis pulled out the insides of the trout and cooked it on a frying pan before serving it on a plate. Spotting a large lettuce leaf, Gene grabbed the leaf and used it to disguise himself as he slowly scuttled away from an unsuspecting chef, who is too absorbed into his little fish hacking mania but Louis took a mallet and began smashing a tuna flat. Louis: Here's something for tempting the palate Prepared in the classic technique First you pound the fish flat with a mallet When Louis pounded the tuna flat with the mallet, Gene flew off the counter along with other stuff on it. He hid again under the lettuce before hearing more gross stuff from Louis' preparations for the tuna. Louis: Then you slash through the skin Give the belly a slice Then you rub some salt in 'Cause that makes it taste nice When Louis was describing those horrid moves, Gene cringed even more. Just after Louis put the salt on he rather was holding the fish body close to his cheek, Gene's worst fear was confirmed when the cook reached out and grabbed the lettuce leaf, leaving him exposed. The duck genie kept perfectly still as the chef gasped, "Zut alors!" exclaimed Louis, "I have missed one!" He picked up the 'dead' duck genie and continued singing, Louis: ''Sacre bleu'' What is this? How on earth could I miss Such a sweet little succulent duck? ''Quel dommage'' What a loss Here we go In the sauce Now some flour I think just a spurt Louis tossed Gene into a bowl of sauce and threw a spot of flour in his face, making him cough and sneeze before pulling him out and stuffing some breadcrumbs in his beak. Louis: Now I stuff you with bread It don't hurt 'cause you're dead And you're certainly lucky you are Gene spat out the breadcrumbs and wheezed loudly. Louis didn't notice that the duck genie in his hand was still alive. Louis: 'Cause it's gonna be hot In my big silver pot Toodle loo ''Mon poisson'' ''Au revoir!''' Louis threw Gene across the room into a large pot of boiling water. Gene held on to the inside of the pot before a bubble popped, burning him out of the pot and onto the counter with a loud thud. Louis, hearing the 'thud', looked over to it being confused. He used a pitchfork-like utensil and stabs on either side of the duck genie, picking up Gene and carefully inspected it. "What is this?" he asked. Gene bit Louis' nose, making him scream in pain as he held his nose. Gene landed on the handle of a pan on the stove. Louis reached for the duck genie, but instead put his hand on the fiery hot stove. The chef screamed and blew on his hand as the pan fell onto his foot. Louis grabbed his foot and cried in pain, before sending Gene an angry glare, grabbing a bunch of knives and hurling them at the duck genie. Gene, who ducked each knife, dove under the counter, and while the chef was looking under the counter, Gene pushed the bowl of sauce off the counter. The bowl shattered on his head. Going more insane, Louis lifted his cleaver and brought it down. But all he managed to chop up was the counter. He saw Gene running for his life. Gene screamed as he tried getting out. The cleaver landed right in front of him, stopping him from running that way. He quickly made a mad dash underneath Louis and hid underneath a cabinet of glasses and pottery. Louis screamed, holding his mallet in his hand, Gene hid as the psychotic chef jumped and crashed into the shelves. Back in the dining room, everyone heard loud crashes coming from the kitchen. Merida, who was pouring drinks for the prince, Snagglepuss, and their young guest, looked in the direction of the kitchen at the sound of a large crash. "I think I'd better go see what Louis is up to." she said. Once she had excused herself, she hurriedly made her way to the palace kitchen. Back in the kitchen, the insane chef, ripped clothes and all, was tearing apart the cabinet, mindlessly throwing things out of the way trying to find Gene. "Come out, you little pipsqueak, AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN!" he snarled. He continued to tear apart a cupboard. "Louis!" shouted Merida. He shot up, banging his head on the shelf, causing several new pots and pans to fall or break on the floor, at the sound of Merida's shrill voice. His apron was torn and stained, and his chef's hat was gone. "What are you doing?" Merida demanded. Louis stammered about what he was doing earlier. "Well - I - I was just - er, er, I'm sorry, ''madame." he finally said. Merida scowled at the fat gator as he gave her an apologetic grin and pinched out a fire that had started on the top of his head. Merida picked up the plates - which all had a metal dome over the top - off a nearby bench, and storming out the kitchen. "Well, I never!" she exclaimed in disgust. Snagglepuss set his glass back on the table as Merida placed their dinners in front of him, Susan, and Gil. "You know, Gil," he said. "perhaps our young guest might enjoy seeing some of the sights of the kingdom. Something in the way of a tour?" Gil simply sat there, staring at Susan with a lovestruck expression on his face. Realizing that Snagglepuss had said something to them, they snapped out of their daze. Gil let out a small chuckle and looked at Snagglepuss. "I'm sorry, Snagglepuss." he said, "What was that?" Snagglepuss leaned over to the high schooler and whispered, "You can't spend all your time moping about, you need to get out. Do something, have a life. Get your mind off-" As Snagglepuss complained, he opened his dish, and Gene was huddled inside. Susan noticed Gene and became worried. Gene quietly shushed the worried middle schooler, who opened her dish and urged for Gene to quickly hide in hers. "Easy, Snagglepuss, easy." said Gil, "It's not a bad idea. If she's interested." As the two chatted, Gene quickly and quietly dashed across the table and hid in Susan's dish. With Gene safe, Susan quickly turned to Gil. "Well, what do you say?" asked Gil. "Would you like to join me on a tour of my kingdom tomorrow?" Susan nodded, genuinely excited by the prospect and also internally relieved. "Wonderful!" beamed Snagglepuss. "Now let's eat, before this duck wanders off my plate." He looked down, only to be confused that Gene had just run off his plate. Dinner got carried on into the evening long after the sun had set and afterwards, Susan, Gil, and Snagglepuss went their separate ways. Susan was now dressed in her nightclothes as she watched Gil play with Angus from the balcony. Susan was now wearing an ocean blue undershirt with a periwinkle star on it and matching pants. "Come here boy!" Gil laughed to Angus, "Arrr!!!" He knelt on the ground and Angus ran up to him and neighed with glee. Gil growled playfully at the horse as he pinned him down. He looked up and smiled when he saw that the middle schooler he'd found on the beach that day, watching. Gil waved at Susan, and she waved back, before slipping further back into her room. Gil's eyes sparkled as his smile widened. He was actually really looking forward to taking her around his kingdom tomorrow, and could only hope that she felt the same way. Susan smiled as she brushed her hair with her fork before taking off her glasses. Gene (who was now wearing a purple nightshirt, matching pants, and a blue nightcap) complained about his experience in the kitchen as he cleaned off the cooking spices. "This has got to be, without a doubt, the single most humiliating day of my life." he complained. Susan patted Gene on the head. "I hope you appreciate what I go through for you, young lady!" scolded the duck genie, as he waved his lettuce leaf at Susan while she walked over to her bed. Susan's bed was a large canopy bed with white mattresses & matching bedsheets & pillows, large ocean blue curtains (with golden draw-tassels) on all four sides (attached to the blue canopy), periwinkle-blue blankets, white linens, a warm, fuzzy blue blanket, & black mahogany bedposts (with a headboard of the same color & material). Anyway, Gene told Susan, "Now, we've got to make a plan to get that boy to kiss you." She opened the curtains and bounced a little before settling back into the large pillow on the left side of the canopy bed and crawled under the covers. "Tomorrow, when he takes you for that ride, you gotta look your best." said Gene. Susan lay in her bed. It was very comfy and warm. It was a nice place for her to sleep for the night. "You're gonna bat your eyes - like this," Gene went on, as he batted his eyes and puckered his lips. "You gotta pucker up your lips - like this." But by now, he realized that Susan was already fast asleep. Gene shook his head and smiled. "Hm." He blew out the candle on the bed side table. He hopped onto one of Susan's pillows, closed the curtains, and before falling asleep himself, he said, "You are hopeless, child. You know that?" He yawned and closed his eyes as Susan covered him up with her blue blanket. "Completely hopeless!" And with that, Susan and Gene both fell asleep for the night. Category:Fan Fiction Category:The Little Mermaid Fanfiction Category:The Little Mermaid Fanmakes Category:The Little Mermaid Spoofs Category:Hero/Heroine Songs Category:Songs